Malik, who is Malik? A meaning, a word, a sound given from birth to represent the surface of what people perceive me to be? who occupies the space in which I walk? Is there something deeper and more significant to my existence? To others, these are bizarre and pointless questions but I believe them to be essential questions to understanding my nature and what I truly am. Who and what is I?
In society, we are always told that we are just individuals, not connected, not special, nothing but separate entities that look upon the world, a small fragment of the larger picture. I would argue that we are much more than that.
Through my experiences as child and my initiation into psychedelics as a young man, I have been exploring the potential of what I am.
I date my experience three years back now to my first initiation into the Mushroom, a major catalyst for expanding my awareness and consciousness.
The Five Senses
I have always believed that my senses, be there five, or more, shape the world around me in extraordinary ways, not just receivers of complex information that help me navigate the visible reality but are also receptors to decode and understand the underlying themes and currants that create our world and the universe around it. Through training, meditation and the breaking of cultural limitations of these senses, you can realise that a world of experience lays dormant, hidden and kept just out of our reach. We can see, hear and glimpse this strange dimension through art, music, poetry to name a few as artists draw from the creative potential and mould into existence their expression of soul for us interpret and experience.
Even now you exist in multiple realties, close your eyes and listen, you and your environment exists in sound, taste, smell, sight and touch. Five senses, five realities all co-existing on the same plane.
This manifested itself in an experience I had with the Mushroom. It was if touching, hearing, tasting, smelling and visualising for the first time, a complete reboot of my system. I began to see the layers of my existence peel away one by one and the environment transform and change. The layers of meaning ceased to be and I was bombarded by raw information, not words but vibrations, not things but energy, a complexity of interactions and relationships between the world and I. This process demonstrated the intricacies and complexities that translate through the filters of my ego and my senses. When this illusion is lifted the raging force of idea, creation and the order through cacophony all combining to create one fluid super reality, of which all the dimensions that exist at once were presented to me.
Awareness of the Self
When we say that we are aware or conscious, what do we mean? Is being aware a simple tool to understand how the world and the body works? Or is it more? And why?
I’ve always had an innate concept that there is real Magick that operates in this world and within myself. And that the only way to learn from and use this was to understand how the mind works and thus through time and experience, the mysteries of the universe would unravel.
Throughout my experience, the preconceptions and ideas I had about myself and the universe were but colours on a pallet to paint a complex perception about my surroundings, mere theories and facts I have gathered from birth to create my reality.
Just over an hour into my trip the concept hit me that ideas are powerful tools that shape my world, platforms of understanding from which I could build a whole new paradigm from – but this was just the beginning.
I began to feel a warm sensation on the back of my neck and in my chest, and the time between breaths seemed to be getting longer, the pulse of my heart began to beat at a steady pace and the process of my thoughts were slowing down, as my mind came to a still I had an overwhelming appreciation for the moment, I was in the now. Past, present and possibility all bled into one moment. As I gave myself to the experience thoughts no longer became my own, they were trails of something other, something much greater, much more in-depth than I could previously comprehend, my “awareness” called them my ideas but now I realise the perception I had of the self was looking in the wrong direction. I felt like an observer in a story that was unravelling.
Every time I closed my eyes I saw flashes, it was like looking at the sun and seeing the after image. The imprints on the back of my eyelids lingered for nothing more than a few seconds. They resembled the patterns of neurons and synapses firing up in my brain.
After a short while, I realised that I was looking at the working of my own mind and how this new experience was re-wiring my brain and building new connections to comprehend and understand the data that was being received while placing new components in between.
The awareness that I had of my body and mind was indescribable. To be able to feel and experience my awareness through each individual cell in my body as if each cell was the whole of my existence. I became evermore interconnected with myself, I could feel and understand every process that was taking place within my body to the most finite degree.
One major visualization I had was when stepping outside into the garden and looking down at my hands, I could see all my veins, bones and the blood rushing around my body – I had a luminous orange glow radiating from my body. I realised that I was witnessing my own life-force pulsating.
The sensation and power I felt that day was unbounding, an experience worth knowing but not for all, one must take time to come to conclusions about the nature of the universe and themselves without psychoactive compounds and read through past experiences and descriptions of these tools before venturing into places that are somewhat unknown to the collective conscious. A bad trip is purely down to the individual, a matter of perception. This is just a brief message for those who have not tried or feel like they have missed something. Reading and having knowledge about the territory is paramount to unlocking the experience. A good map of the “land” allows for smoother navigation and in this instance, it is navigation of the mind and other dimensions.
‘You have a big ego?’, ‘Your ego is negative?’, ‘Too much ego?’, ‘Ego?’, ‘Ego!’.
In our culture and many other western cultures and societies, the notion of ego often has negative connotations or misunderstandings, this is largely down to the fact that we live in a social construct that disregards emotions and compassion. This misinterpretation results from the primary goal of our culture, which is to turn people external, outward into a never-ending game of acquisition for better goods, the new monotheistic religion and material reality.
The ego is merely a tool to navigate the world, a personal guide to understanding the human condition. It receives a lot of bad press because we have reached a time where the majority of people have not been trained, taught or learnt how to view and deal with themselves. Thus, the ego separates itself and develops its own distinct concept of I or the self. This contradicts the natural role of the ego as a tool of navigation because truly there is no such thing as I, there only is!
The ego is an armoured personality, conditioned from birth and transformed through experience, for better or for worse depending entirely on individual circumstances. It is armoured in the sense that when a child is born, you have a fountain of creativity, potential and purity, a fragment with the creative potential from which it truly originated and over time, language, humanity, experience and awareness adds layers or barriers to this child and that forms the ego – a psychological adaptation and response to the external environment.
This is what the Mushroom experience made me aware of – not that it came in the form of spoken utterances but it was communicated and understood with more than the senses. Moreover, it has taken over three years to translate only a splinter of this experience into words.
Whilst experiencing ego dissolution, it was as if a part of me was passing away. I realised this was occurring when the separation of mind and ego began and the chatter and ramble in my head began to separate. I felt the multiple aspects that make up my personality – this was a liberating and exciting process. I was talking to my ego and it was dissecting the experience and analysing all detail that it was receiving. When asked to be quite it was silenced; the person talking still to this day I do not know. Malik? No. something much higher wherever higher is (I can only talk in limitation and give direction to help you have an idea of what I am trying to communicate.)
This gap and separation grew ever greater until the point when I had to release became so intense that when the breakaway happened a world of experience was roaring right in front of me and I became the observer, the subject and that which operated behind the scenes of reality.
I welcomed the experience of ego dissolution because I had researched extensively on the subject prior to undertaking the ‘trip’.
This is a truly liberating and uplifting feeling to literally release from one’s self.
To go inward and explore the depths of our minds, humans must have a basic concept of themselves and their ego. For even this experience I am translating cannot be understood or witnessed with ego; the ego must be out of the picture. It is a tool for navigation and expression, the craftsmen of all things physical.
What is human? What is our potential? To really understand theses concepts humanity must come to a basic understanding of our currant situation and where we truly originate from in physical history. In addition, psychological history which extends beyond the third dimension. Thousands of years of conditioning, tyranny and oppressive civilisation has enabled a process to take place where the people give their power to authority without question; whether that be a ruler that comes in the disguise of a saviour, a political leader or a god that subjugates his followers for all eternity.
(Please refer to video before continuing with reading)
The scope of human potential broadens and expands every day with new discoveries about the known universe and ourselves, these developments have allowed individuals to grasp concepts and expand their awareness beyond galaxies and beyond this dimension but we have barley scraped the frontier of own minds.
Human potential holds no bounds and only through the processes time and the evolution of mind can we fully begin to understand our place and potential.
I believe that to truly unlock our human potential we as humans must take personal responsibility of our actions and intent upon this earth. And through individual experience we can solely and collectively begin in an exchange of information that highlights the purest aspects of humanity: love, open education, self-awareness, child bearing, masculinity, femininity and expression to name a few. This will then in time allow for a momentum to build – one of understanding, love and positive intention – a process of quick evolution to bring humans forth into the light of our true existence.
During my trip, I was witness to a pure form of existence, a world of information, of raw data to be decoded by the whole of my being through my mind and senses, it was at first difficult to realise what I was seeing. As the trip became stronger, the ideas I had about the universe became stronger, more in tuned. I could pick up on the subtle movements and way in which creation and natural processes occur. I could see sound and pick up on the lowest and highest frequencies bouncing around the room in spherical motions like an undulating barrier. I could also detect light particles hitting my retina reflecting from the street light outside like strands of neon light.
Importantly, I remember stepping outside and feeling as like I was seeing, smelling and hearing for the first time, I was overwhelmed with emotion and cried with joy at what I was bearing witness to. The rain fell in slow motion towards the ground and it felt as if a heartbeat lasted a year. As I turned, I could see my reflection in every single rain droplet.
When I looked at the grass and trees they were moving and emitting small fragments of light from every cell, it looked a lot like fibrotic strands connecting from one plant to the next. A network of being.
(Note: After recent research into the morphogenic field, it is possible that the Mushroom had enhanced my sight so that I could detect mitogenetic rays releasing from the plants – biophotons – small amounts of light that all biological systems give off possibly to assist in the transfer of information between cells, other organisms and the external environment).
When I stepped onto the grass, the strand like fibre optic veins appeared in my body and connected to all the plants in my environment – a feeling of connection of unconditional love and innate understanding of myself and my environment. The exchange of information that highlights the purest aspects of humanity.
‘Show me as you are for yourself?’ – Terrance McKenna
Speak and you shall receive.
All that I had witnessed in the experience was life changing and enhancing. The experiences outlined and those expressed in myth are all accessible – all we must do is let go of everything and follow the path most natural (as expressed by Wu Wei, Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu).
After standing outside and observing my connection with the world around me, I then walked over to a tree and the idea came to mind that everything I had been shown was not the full picture, it was almost like being in a play pen. It was as if I had been given new thoughts, perceptions and tools instead of toys. And if I really wanted to see beyond the walls of the play pen, all I should do is ask!
Therefore, I stared at the tree in the garden and thought ‘show me as you are for yourself?’ The environment then suddenly transformed – like black ink emerging out from the tree, this thing began to spill out of a rip in my reality.
Imagine a million eyes focusing in on you, it was all around me at once. I recognised nothing anymore I was no longer in my friend’s garden, I stepped back in terror, (not necessarily fearful just in incredible shock) as I stepped away it came toward me about to consume me. The experience then paused and my reality split into two possibilities, on the one, I was to be destroyed and on the other I was to give my self and learn.
The true understanding of yin and yang. I asked for this experience and it was going to happen and the outcome be the same only to be perceived differently. So, I stood and looked it in the eye no longer terrified just mesmerised, it shifted once again to form a massive eye made from lots of smaller ones, I blinked, it blinked. I asked, ‘who are you?’ it replied, ‘I am you?’, I responded, ‘you are me?’, It replied, ‘you are me?’. In the pupil of the eye, I was witness to a void, a spherical black dimension from which all things looked out from, I had witnessed what people call god but not in its ultimate form, be there such thing It then folded into itself like a shark submerging underwater and the tree took form again!
(Note: I use the analogy of god because this word has the meaning of what I am trying to describe without all the negative connotation.)
It is important to emphasise that my words do not come close to the experience at all, this is just a personal message of understanding and content to add to the map.
(Note: The Greek philosopher Heraclitus appears to be the first to have used the word logos to refer to a rational divine intelligence, which today is sometimes referred to as the “mind of God.”)
Being quite overwhelmed from this experience I stepped back inside. I wanted to learn more. I wondered, if what I witnessed was just the beginning then what about if I ventured in more?
I had the urge to go inward, I felt ready. I wanted to truly understand the nature of my being. I believe that the essence and the source of understanding is forever changing, spirals of understanding, yes still the same strand but never arriving at the same point, only truth for that moment.
I rested on the floor and closed my eyes and observed the back of my eyelids. I began to see geometric patterns and shapes take form, they slowly came toward me passing my vision. I felt as if I was going through my eyelids, then next I am looking down onto my face, eyes still closed. There was a total disconnect from my body, I travelled down my body to my hand and began slowly focusing in on my hand.
Passing the hair follicles going through the skin, into the muscle fibre, smaller and smaller all with such horrendous detail. Smaller, smaller, I could see my cells, the process was speeding up. Now Witnessing molecules and atoms in my body like cloudy barriers of dust and matter forming. I came to a place of nothingness then suddenly shot through my body into space and I watched the whole process repeat in reverse but only this time I am witnessing suns, planets and galaxies being formed just as how the molecules in my body formed, I was in awe of this experience. I felt truly liberated, thousands of years of knowledge and a life time of information in nothing more than a few minutes.
As I zoomed through the universe at tremendous speeds, I was observing how all matter was being dragged toward the single point, I was going there, to the source. I could feel it, the great attractor to which all things move.
Note: The following section is considerably hard to describe but I hope you can gain some understanding from the description)
There it was. I bear witness to it. The source! Like a sun burning, the source of all things. I came to the point where gravity ceased to exist. Time, past, future and present was no more. It was a singularity. The focal point of existence. A burning ball of flame, rather like a light green sun but on a cosmic scale that existed somewhere in the universe and within me, the bridge between both worlds from which everything expands and contracts. Everything that ever is was presented to me. It was me and you.
Then the concept hit me that if I get there then the game is over. Thus I, we, you, it deceived itself into perpetual motion and strive. Hence, the third dimensional perception of movement and direction or the etheric process of evolution and time. But it will never reach but always get there so it can always evolve, always learn, the infinite teacher and learner.
The feeling was freedom. The feeling was understanding. I new everything at that moment without words, just knowing. To be able to let go of existence and be free to glimpse the place before birth and beyond death from which there is and is not, was a moment that changed my life.
I went through the singularity and became that which I seek, I was re-united with the undivided self.
Where are we going in this existence? The potentials of human kind push the boundaries of reality everyday yet we stumble through the light tormented and ignorant, not realising that we are the light that shines so bright into our souls, a reflection living life on a mirrors edge, straddling both worlds, we scrape out an existence between the opposites, on the one hand the creative manifestation life and on the other the decay of time, and this is where we exist, the space between spaces.
When we realise our true power and intention, the universe will unfold bringing forth the mystery. But only for you to realise you were staring yourself in the face the whole time.
I know why I am here. I decided a long time ago to find the source of my existence in everything I do, sometimes I may fall but I learn because this is also truth.
Humanity is waking up to the light of this truth, be there many of one, open your heart and let love in, the mystery has always been there and always will be.